Red Whine

legend-of-the-vineRefrigerators, knees and automobile electrical systems have one thing in common: once they start to go south they cannot be fixed. Ever.

Our fridge started freezing the lettuce last year. We called the repair guy and he adjusted something with the result that we had frozen yogurt to go with our frozen lettuce. More visits and finally we tried turning off the ice maker. Problem solved except that now the door no longer stays closed.

Because you probably have a couple yourself, you will agree that knees are quite useless. They are subject to 1,000 incapacitating injuries that could be avoided with a better design. The fact that they are hinge joints instead of the more resilient socket joints is proof that God, for all His good points, has a loopy sense of bodycraft. Is He not the one who laid out the procreation playground on top of the sewer system? Call that divine inspiration?

Automobile electrical systems are as understandable as the solar system and as infinite as the final value of pi. Sensors and fuses abound. The more complex our car’s amenities — DVD player, cell phone, indoor-outdoor thermometer, electric locks, backup camera — the more electronics. The more electronics, the more weird things happen.

A dashboard warning light popped on earlier this month. The icon was a hieroglyph that looked like Picasso’s vision of an automobile tire. We took the car to a mechanic who spent the better part of an hour sounding the tires, driving the car here and there and pondering the electrical system. He was polite and conscientious but, in the end, he said he didn’t know what was wrong. Probably a sensor.

This called for a large glass of wine.

Because it’s getting a little nippy these evenings, we opted for a hearty, full-bodied red. Scrutiny of the selection at Rooster Brother yielded Legend of the Vine ($8.95). The noble label looks as if it wishes to wear a suit of armor, but the wine within is quite accessible with notes of dark fruit and dark chocolate. Why it is dubbed Legend of the Vine is a mystery, as no legend is conveyed on the back label or on the company website.

The mystery of our car’s electrical system, on the other hand, persists to this day. We did not mind that the forensic inspection cost $45. The mechanic made an honest effort. But $45 is five bottles of Legend of the Vine. Looks like we’re just going to stay mystified for a while.

Stephen Fay

Stephen Fay

Managing Editor at The Ellsworth American
Stephen Fay, managing editor of The Ellsworth American since 1996, is a third-generation Californian. Starting out as a news reporter in 1974, he has been an editor since 1976, working in Massachusetts, Connecticut and Vermont before settling in Ellsworth with his wife and two daughters. [email protected]