My sister’s husband confessed to an online affair and apparently is going through a major midlife crisis. My poor sister is of course stressed and worried, although they are doing marriage counseling and he is also doing counseling himself (I think).
The problem is we (my mom and I, we’re a very close-knit bunch) now hate this guy’s guts. We were never crazy about him — he’s selfish, rude, etc. — but tolerated him because he made my sister happy. Now he’s not even doing that.
So if they stay together, what’s the best way to deal with him? Because it’s going to be really hard to deal with him after all of this.
— Hate His Guts
I’m not being facetious. He was a selfish rude jerk who made your sister happy, and he has since become a selfish rude jerk who makes your sister stressed and worried. If they stay together, then presumably he will be returning to his role as a selfish rude jerk who makes her happy, or at least happy enough for her not to leave.
Which means you can go back to your original modus operandi: putting up with him because he’s part of your sister’s package deal.
It would be lousy, but it wouldn’t be new.
Here’s hoping this mess wakes her up — or the counseling gets through to him.
Our friends asked us for a home service referral recently. We recommended one we hired a few years ago and our friends decided to go with this company.
They seemed unhappy with certain aspects of service, and asked us about our experience back then — instead of directly asking the service providers who were at their house. This got me wondering: Are we responsible for others’ dissatisfaction, even though we were satisfied with the service before? Do we need to tell our friends we are sorry? — Wondering
We all hire at our own risks, even people recommended by others. Not every client has the same standards, and not every job will be exactly alike. Especially if some time has passed, each of you could also have different employees assigned to the project.
I’ve been on your friends’ side of this, with a bad outcome by a friend-recommended contractor. What would my message have been in reporting my bad experience to them — that I think they lied to me? The good faith in any recommendation is implicit. For me to blame my friends for our bad experience would be completely futile, unless of course I wanted to feel better about it all by blaming someone else — but that would make me a jerk, and I try not to be one. (Some days more than others.)
I hope your friends also try not to be jerks and just accept there’s risk in hiring anyone. And I hope they talked to the people they hired about their concerns instead of just interrogating the people who recommended them. That’s where the recourse is.
You can accept all of the above as valid and still tell them you’re sorry they didn’t have the same experience with this contractor that you did. That’s just kindness among friends.
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