What do women want?



Dear Nicole,

My coworker is on Facebook all day. She distracts me with her typing. I’ve tried to go to my boss with this but it is clear she’s not going to do anything about my socially networked coworker. Meanwhile I am picking up the slack. Help.

Don’t Want To Be Your Friend

Sounds like the culture of your workplace dictates what’s going to happen… which is nothing. If you are doing something your other coworker is responsible for, you can always try not doing it. But I have a feeling that will come back on you somehow. You can also see if you can get social media somehow banned companywide… but your coworkers may see you as all work and no play.

Rather than focusing on your coworkers lack of performance, it’ll be more productive to focus on your abundance of performance. Keep track of daily tasks (I love Asana and Toggl for this). Take every opportunity to learn more. When your employee review comes up, take proof of your value with you. If might not get your coworker canned but it may get you a raise, which is better for you anyway. Plus showcasing what you are doing may subconsciously show what your coworker is not.

Are you in a work environment that doesn’t give out raises or penalize people who behave badly? I suggest looking for a new gig where your productivity will not only be more appreciated but perhaps even better compensated… not to mention the benefit of being surrounded with like-minded driven people.

Dear Nicole,

What is it women are looking for in a man these days? During the 90’s I busted ass to be the epitome of a sensitive, new-age guy, although I did stop short of manscaping or becoming a card-carrying mexterosexual.

Now the vibe I’m getting is that the women I’ve been dating want more of a traditional guy, opening the door, being the strong silent type, etc. Is the ball back in the guy’s court? Should I go back to all that pressure of being the one to make the first move?

Thinking of cutting my soul patch in Bar Harbor

Instead of trying to be who you think women want you to be, why not try being who you are? I think a lack of interest (if that is indeed happening) is women picking up on the fact you are not being your authentic self. No one likes a bait and switch… or to feel like they are seeing a facade rather than the real thing.

Women like confidence. Love your soul patch? Rock it. Think flowers are super cool? Grow some. Women aren’t looking for a type. And in fairness to women, I’ll use myself as an example.

I had a laundry list of what I wanted before I met my husband: college degree, bilingual (I speak French), blue eyes… the list went on from there. Did I picture myself marrying a vaguely Scandinavian heritage carpenter/glass blower with one semester of college under his belt? I did not.

How did my husband get me to abandon my laundry list of criteria? He knew exactly who he was and what he wanted when he met me, and that was unbelievably sexy (and still is). His personality, his goals, his attitude, the essence of who he is as a person is what I was after. How he dresses, what music he listens to, etc. is all just window dressing.

Instead of working on your look or your ‘window dressing’, work on your confidence in letting your real self come out. That may mean trying out for a theater production or a new haircut. It may mean general trial and error. It will probably take awhile but instead of looking to others for approval, look in the mirror and go with your gut feeling. Get towards the more authentic you and I bet women will be quite interested. And if not multiple women, at least the right woman.

 

Nicole Ouellette

Nicole Ouellette

When Nicole isn't giving advice she's completely unqualified to give, she runs an Internet marketing company in Bar Harbor, where she lives with her husband Derrick and their short dog Gidget. She loves young adult novels, cooking and talking French to anyone who'll talk back. [email protected]
Nicole Ouellette

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